The Secret Nightmare
by Teambella
Summary: A story of how Bella gets rape, but tries to hide it. Different then others. Please R
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight whoop whoop 4 mrs. S. meyer…I wish I could come up with something so amazing…o well**

"NNNNOO," I screamed, waking up out of another nightmare. It was the same old nightmare that I intended to keep to my grave. Looking out my window I saw that it was still dark out, so I turned over and looked at my clock, 3:00am only about 7 more hours until Edward returned. It was pretty bittersweet considering the fact that I didn't want him to no my secret, but also missing him at the same time.

Knowing I couldn't go back to sleep, I went down stairs for a cup of water. I tried to go as slowly as possible so I wouldn't trip on my own two feet, but no such luck there. I tripped on the last stair to the bottom, and braced myself for impact. Two cold arms that I wasn't expecting caught me.

I looked up at the person, who saved me, but it wasn't the face I was expecting, more like a face I knew who was going to have my secret crashing down all over my head.

"We need to talk!!!"

**Ha Ha cliffee, hope ya like!!! This is my first fan fic so Im looking 4ward to the reviews…also looking 4 a beta**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Twilight is freaking awesome, to bad im not that creative **

"We need to talk!!!"

I looked up to the voice that spoke these words. "O hey Alice," I said trying to put on my most innocent act. By the look on her face I could tell she wasn't buying it. "Come Bella I'll get you that water you wanted."

By the time I moved to sit at Charlie's kitchen table, she already had my water sitting at my spot on the table. I knew what she was here to talk about but I didn't want to talk, it was my own secret nightmare.

"So why are you here so early Alice. I know you don't sleep and all…." I was really babbling now trying my hardest to distract her. "Bella, you already know why-" "STOP I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT ALICE BECAUSE I'M NOT TELLING YOU WHATS WRONG WITH ME." I was surprised at myself because whatever Alice did, I never yelled at her.

Her hurt expression cut me deep but I didn't get a chance to feel really badly about it cause of the thumping upstairs. Now I had really done it, I hurt my best friend/ sister and woke up Charlie in the same outburst: things really didn't seem to be looking up for me.

By the time Charlie came stomping down the stairs, Alice had hidden her pain on her face but I could still see it in her eyes. "Hey Charlie, I came over because Bella got kind of lonely," she said in that musical sing songy voice of hers. "O that's ok Alice," he was always putty in her hands.

Stomping back upstairs, I longed to go and follow him. "Alice I am going to bed now, you can stay if you like but I'm going to bed." Nodding her head, probably realizing that I was at my breaking point let me go, with a worried expression changing her beautiful features but still managing to keep that beautiful appearance. I wished I could be a vampire like her and the rest of my family but now with this secret nightmare over my head I feared I would never have a real dream again. "Edward will be back in the morning," Alice told me in a tone that was clearly a warning.

**Ok i will try and update everyday...still looking for a beta**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Whoop whoop for Stephanie Meyer…The original Twilighter**

Making my way upstairs, I felt pretty badly about the way I treated Alice. A part of me wanted to go back and apologize but I knew I wouldn't do it. "Edward will be back in the morning" kept ringing in my head. I had almost forgotten that I have to be especially careful to not let my secret nightmare slip to him. This was going to be a difficult task considering the fact that he knows me so well.

Slipping under my covers, I knew it was going to be even harder for me to fall back asleep, now with Alice's warning in my head. "Edward will be back in the morning," yes he will be back and hopefully he won't uncover the truth behind my eyes.

I guess I must have fallen asleep, cause by the time I opened my eyes, I was feeling two cold arms holding me close…to close…to the point where I couldn't breathe. It instantly brought back nightmares and scrambled my way out the bed. By the time I turned and look at Edward my back was against the wall on the other side of the room. His beautiful features were twisted into such agony that it broke my heart. "Bella did I hurt you? Are you ok?!!"

Crap, crap, crap, now I gave him reason to be suspicious. I had no idea of how my face looked because he was half lying on my bed with his hands in the air like he was surrendering. I tried to make my face as neutral as possible, but I failed miserably. "Yes I'm fine Edward, y-you just scared me that's all." I could tell he wasn't really buying it by the way he stood up and came slowly towards me, like I was scared of HIM.

"Bella, my love, you know you can tell me anything," his voice was almost pleading now. I couldn't bear to look up into his eyes, as he stood right in front of me. "Bella look at me," I couldn't cause he would see the tears there. "Um, I need a human moment Edward," I said as I all but ran out of the room.

**This chapter is really short due to the fact that I had some writers block. I hope yall like it!!! O and I found a beta…bad part she can't be my beta till another month…that's jus peachy**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight**

**Previous chapter:**

_"Bella, my love, you know you can tell me anything," his voice was almost pleading now. I couldn't bear to look up into his eyes, as he stood right in front of me. "Bella look at me," I couldn't cause he would see the tears there. "Um, I need a human moment Edward," I said as I all but ran out of the room._

I made it to the bathroom just in time, before the tears came. They didn't stay tears for long, because before I knew it they became full blown sobs. They shook me to my very core. I tried to get a hold of myself, by curling into a protective ball on the floor, but the sobs became harder. The next thing I knew was being lifted up into those cold pale arms that I knew oh so well.

We were walking towards my room; me still curled up into my protective ball. I started hearing my favorite lullaby; I guess Edward was trying to calm me down but I didn't want to be comforted; I should be comforting him. I did wrong, because I was the one who let it happen to me.

The lullaby soon stopped, and I found the courage to look up into Edward's eyes. Still they were filled with sorrow and agony, I couldn't take it. "PUT ME DOWN NOW EDWARD!" I screamed at him, only to cause more pain in his beautiful topaz eyes. He slowly put me down; I guess still in shock that I yelled at him. I was surprised at myself again, that's the second time today that I yelled at someone I loved. Good thing Charlie was fishing with Billy today. That name alone bought back a horrible flashback.

(_Flashback)_

"_Hey Billy is Jake home?" I was down at La Push, in front of Jacob's house. Billy was outside getting the mail. "Yeah he should be on the couch taking a nap," Billy told me. I thanked Billy and went inside…_

"BELLA!!!" The calling of my name snapped me out of my flashback. I finally focused on my surroundings and realized that I was lying on my bed. I turned to look at Edward who was sitting on the edge of the bed. "Why am I on the bed Edward?" I asked him, kind of afraid of the answer. "You started shaking, and then your eyes glazed over then you fainted," he was still looking at me with that same pain filled expression.

"Bella, what is wrong with you? You won't let me touch you, and you're so fearful of me. Is it something I did? Do you want me to leave?"

"It's not you, its my secret nightmare," I whispered, oops I said that out loud and with his vampire hearing, he heard every word I said. I clamped my hand over my mouth, you know like when you said something you weren't suppose to say. I looked back up at Edward, and he had a hard glint in his eyes. He picked me up again, jumped out the window and started running. "Stop Edward, where are we going?" I tried to keep the panic and anger out my voice for being picked up. I'm not too fond of people touching me now a days. Without even looking down, he said the name that would make my secret, not a secret anymore.

"Alice"

**Ok hoped ya liked!!! This is my longest chapter so far and I'm pretty proud of myself. I am still looking for reviews, so please r&r and tell me what you think. Also to me it seems like my chapters are getting lamer so I'm still looking for a beta!!!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** **I am in no relations with Mrs. Meyer, so there for I do not own twilight **

_**A/n: **I want to start off by saying thank you to my reviewers, I really appreciate it. Also at the request of everybody, I am going to start making my chapters longer, starting with this one!!!!_

**Previous chapter:**

"_It's not you, its my secret nightmare," I whispered, oops I said that out loud and with his vampire hearing, he heard every word I said. I clamped my hand over my mouth, you know like when you said something you weren't suppose to say. I looked back up at Edward, and he had a hard glint in his eyes. He picked me up again, jumped out the window and started running. "Stop Edward, where are we going?" I tried to keep the panic and anger out my voice for being picked up. I'm not too fond of people touching me now a days. Without even looking down, he said the name that would make my secret, not a secret anymore._

"_Alice"_

Oh no Alice!!! I should have realized that if Edward couldn't get the information out of me he would get it out of Alice. I started to really panic as we started to slow down. I tried to think of everything I could to get out of this situation, but I was quickly running out of time as the house came into view. I started to think, maybe I could distract them both by saying I had some homework to do, but I knew that wouldn't work because they knew my whole schedule. I was almost blue in the face still thinking, but time was up we reached the door.

As we stepped inside the spacious living room, my heart started to accelerate. Hearing my accelerating heart beat, Edward looked down at me as if I would almost pass out. "Bella what is wrong, please tell me what is wrong," but I knew I couldn't answer him. "Please put me down Edward. I am just tired and I want to go to bed," I really tried to say this in the calmest voice I knew. He looked as if he didn't believe me, probably because I had just woken up an hour ago; but the hysterics really drained me, plus due to the fact that I was snapping at everyone who tried to get too close to me. He put me down but stayed very close to me. He was acting as if I would just pass out. Maybe him staying close to me wasn't such a bad thing cause I did pass out once today.

"Ok Bella, have it your way," he told me and said in that same quiet tone "Alice meet me by my room please."

We walked, quietly up the stairs to his room. By the time we got to the door, sure enough Alice was there waiting for him. "Hi Bella I missed you!" she said as she reached over and hugged me. This type of affection is not what I wanted, especially since my nightmare had started. So naturally I stiffened in her arms, and I could tell instantly that both Edward and Alice noticed the change in me.

Lightly as possible, without hurting her feelings any more, I pulled away from her. "I'm really tired. I'll see you later when I get up," I tried to lie through my teeth, but once again failing miserably; they saw right through me, but they didn't say any thing as I walked passed them to Edward's couch. (**another a/n: Edward never got a bed because Bella told him before hand that she really really likes the couch.)**

I stretched out on the couch, hoping to at least pretend to go to sleep, but its pretty hard considering the fact that Edward and Alice were talking right outside the door. "Alice please tell me what is wrong with her. I don't know what to do any more. She is so fearful of me like she doesn't want some one to get to close to her again," I could hear Edward's agony and mentally picture his face twisted in pain. "Edward I didn't see anything. Its like she just came back changed," and it was true, what happened truly changed me; for the worst.

"Well can you at least tell me when she is going to tell me what's wrong," I started hearing the frustration in his voice. He wanted to help me but I know I am too far beyond help. I didn't want to hear the end of this conversation, so I put the pillow over my head to cry myself to sleep.

**EPOV**

I was talking to Alice, tying not to let my frustration show, but it was pretty hard thing to do. This was my Bella we were talking about, and something was seriously off. Before Alice could answer my question, I smelled the tears. Both Alice and I looked at the closed door in astonishment. "Go to Bella, she really needs you," even as Alice told me this I was already walking through the door.

My sweet precious Bella was lying there on my couch, with a pillow over her head fast asleep. I eased on next to her, holding her close but not too close. I didn't want another scene like the one at Charlie's house; it broke my non-beating heart. I just lay there watching Bella sleep, waiting for the talking that was sure to come.

"Noo please STOP!!!" Bella had finally started talking in her sleep, but I was confused at the context. I still didn't speak nor wake her up for fear she would stop. Sure enough she started talking again. " I don't want to. It's supposed to be Edward's, EDWARD'S!!! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME??!!! NOOO PLEASE STOP!! I SAID GET OFF ME JACOB!!"

**Ooh another cliffee!!! Hope ya liked!!! I am starting to get in the grove of typing longer chapters. The next one will be longer!!! Please r&r!!!!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Thank you Mrs. Meyer for making twilight**

**Previous chapter:**

_"Noo please STOP!!!" Bella had finally started talking in her sleep, but I was confused at the context. I still didn't speak nor wake her up for fear she would stop. Sure enough she started talking again. " I don't want to. It's supposed to be Edward's, EDWARD'S!!! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME??!!! NOOO PLEASE STOP!! I SAID GET OFF ME JACOB!!"_

EPOV

Jacob???? I thought she didn't see Jacob anymore; then the truth hit me square in the eyes. I tried to control my angry as I woke Bella up. "Bella wake up for me love," I whispered in her ear. Bella was somewhat of a light sleeper so it didn't take long to wake her up. She stirred a little in my arms then opened those big brown eyes of hers. At first I saw the fear in those eyes; not fear of me but of what happened. "Bella I know what happened," if possible I saw more fear in them than before; now I knew this was general fear of me solving her secret.

BPOV

O my god!!! How did he find out? He must be very angry with me now. I tried to put some space between us so I can try to compose my face, but he only pulled me closer. "Shh Bella don't pull away, I'm only trying to help you," he told me as he buried his head in my hair. "Edward I can't, I just can't," if he kept this up any more I won't be able to keep my secret nightmare to myself any more. "It's ok love, let it go. You have been so strong so now let me be strong for you," and with that the dam broke.

First tears escaped my eyes, and then the full-blown sobs came. Edward didn't demand anything from me like Jacob, he stayed there hugging me; comforting me. By the time my eyes were dry, I had ruined his shirt with my salty tears. I finally looked up into his face and noticed no angry there. I was confused and I guess it showed on my face because Edward then ask me, "Bella what are you thinking? You look confused."

It was true; I was genuinely confused. "Edward," I asked in a voice just above a whisper, "why aren't you mad at me?" I instantly felt his body tense up. I knew it he was mad- before I could even finish the thought he pulled me closer. "Bella it wasn't your fault, so why would I be angry with you?" I knew it was a rhetorical question, but I answered any way, "Because you told me not to go over there and I did-" he interrupted me again, "No Bella its not your fault," he told me with what seemed like a glint of anger.

Now I was the one who was starting to get angry. I was tired of him saying those same old lines that you tell the 'victim'. I struggled to get up again, and this time Edward let me. I walked to the other side of the room to put distance between us. I turned around to face him, to fight.

"You know, I am getting really tired of you telling me, 'its not your fault,' but you don't understand it is my fault, ITS MY FAULT!! I LET HIM DO THIS TO ME, SO THEREFORE IT'S MY FAULT. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND, OR LESS YOU BEEN THROUGH WHAT I BEEN THROUGH!!!" by the end of my speech I was yelling at him at the top of my lungs; I'm sure everybody in the house heard me, even if I wasn't screaming.

His face, as expected was twisted up in pain. I couldn't take it anymore, "EDWARD I'M GOING HOME AND DON'T YOU DARE FOLLOW ME," and with that I marched out the room and slammed the door. I ran down the stairs; bad idea considering the fact that I couldn't even walk on a flat surface without tripping over my own two feet. I started to fall head first down the rest of the stairs. Subconsciously I wasn't really worried, I knew someone was going to catch me.

Sure enough somebody did catch me. I thought it was Alice but I looked up, low and behold it was Edward. I started to get angry all over again cause he just doesn't understand. I started to struggle and started to fight in earnest. I kicked, punched, and screamed at him but nothing I seemed to do affected him.

EPOV

My Bella was actually trying to fight me; trying to get away from me. Usually it was the other way around. I didn't know what to do, I didn't want her to hurt herself but I didn't want her to leave. My family hearing what was going on came into the living room. "Jasper can you please calm her down. I really don't want her to hurt herself," I told Jasper quietly. He heard me despite Bella's consistent screaming of "LET ME GO!!"

Jasper sent a wave of calm so strong, that it put Bella instantly to sleep. I carried her back to my room to rest and went back down stairs to the stares of my family.

"What's wrong with her?" Emmet thought to me.

"_O god I saw her talking in my vision. Why would Jacob do this to her?"_ Alice thought to herself.

"_I never seen her act like this before." _Thought Esme and Charlise

"_I think I have a pretty good idea of what happened. I heard everything even though I wasn't trying to." _Rosalie thought. That last part was for my benefit.

_"So many emotions. Poor Bella I can't even take it. I can't even imagine how she is taking it,"_ thought Jasper.

"Ok everyone, I think Bella has a real issue going on," I told them in a quiet voice knowing that Bella was sleeping up stairs and that they could hear me. "_Could I possibly talk to her Edward?" _Rosalie thought to me. I was surprised to actually hear some concern in her thoughts. "I think I would be a good idea Rosalie, to everybody else I said, " I am not going to tell you what happened to Bella. I would rather her tell you herself." They understood and left the room as quickly as they came.

The only two people left in the room was Rosalie and I. " Ok Rosalie, you can talk to her when she gets up. I really don't want to scare her any more," and for once in my existence Rosalie agreed with me. "Alice," as soon as I called her name she was right next to me. "When will Bella wake up?" I asked. "In about another hour or so. Jazz sent too much calm towards her," she said in somewhat of a sad voice. I couldn't decipher what she was thinking cause she was blocking me.

"Ok Rosalie be ready when Bella gets up. And remember I will be listening," and with that we all went our separate ways.

**Ok everybody another chapter completed!!! It might take a while for me to update cause I'm going north but I will update soon cause I have become attached to my story. HAPPY HOLIDAYS YALL!!! Please r&r and be safe this holiday season!!!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Thank you Stephanie Meyer for being the original Twilighter**

**A/n: **_ok I wanted to say thank you again people for reviewing my story. This chapter will be short sorry!! I just couldn't stay away from my story. Hope ya like!!!_

**  
Previous Chapter: **_The only two people left in the room was Rosalie and I. " Ok Rosalie, you can talk to her when she gets up. I really don't want to scare her any more," and for once in my existence Rosalie agreed with me. "Alice," as soon as I called her name she was right next to me. "When will Bella wake up?" I asked. "In about another hour or so. Jazz sent too much calm towards her," she said in somewhat of a sad voice. I couldn't decipher what she was thinking cause she was blocking me._

"_Ok Rosalie be ready when Bella gets up. And remember I will be listening," and with that we all went our separate ways._

**BPOV**

I woke up back in Edward's room. Why am I here? I wondered. Then I started to remember. "O God," I whispered out loud. I couldn't believe how I acted earlier. I resolved to go down stairs to apologize to everyone, when I heard a knock on the door. Thinking that it was Edward, I was totally surprised to open it and see Rosalie.

"Can I come in Bella," she asked me in her musical voice. "S-Sure," I stammered a little bit. It was no secret of her feelings towards me. I went to go sit on the couch and she followed. We were sitting there for what seemed liked forever when I finally decided to break the silence. "So um what's on your mind Rosalie," I asked Rosalie. She looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know exactly what you are going through. I went through the same thing Bella, and it's ok. It will get better soon but only if you let someone in."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I guess it must have shown on my face because she slowly took my hands in hers and told me her story of how she was taken advantage of by her ex fiancé (**a/n: I didn't go into detail because I'm assuming that everybody knows the whole story in Eclipse)**. By the end of her story I was crying softly; her story wasn't that different from mines. "I-I can't tell Edward Rosalie, h-he won't love me anymore," I told Rosalie still crying softly.

"Yes he will Bella. He will love you no matter what and I wouldn't be surprised if he already knew," with that information my eyes got really big. "W-What do you mean he already knows? I didn't tell him anything. Alice couldn't see anything I'm sure-," putting her finger on my lips, Rosalie stopped my rambling that was turning into hysterics. "Look Bella I'm not going to say anymore for Edward because I know he wants to talk to you on his own," and at that moment someone knocked on the door.

"Ok Bella, I just wanted to tell you that you don't have to go through this alone," and with that she all but floated out of the room. I was frozen to the same spot on the couch. I started to panic because I was sure now Edward knew my secret. I didn't even realized that he had picked me up, sat me on his lap, and started brushing away my tears until he spoke. "Bella please talk to me like you talked to Rosalie," he all but begged me. I looked up into his topaz eyes that seemed to cry out to me. I couldn't take my angel being sad so I cried again and hugged him close. "Please Edward don't let me go I-I need you."

"I won't Bella, Never. I'll always be here until the day my heart starts beating again," he told me as he hugged me closer.

**Ok please don't be angry with me I'm just coming back from vacation and I gotta get back into the hang of writing longer chapters. Ok so I hoped ya like and please r&r!!! I will update soon with a longer chapter!!!** **O and I'm still looking for a beta…**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: "Hey twin, I'm writing this story based off twilight, I don't own it though!"**

_A/n: first I want to start off saying that I am sorry it took me sooo long to update. Its so busy doing the going to college thingy. Well I will update soon because the whole time I wasn't writing I was missing my story. I am going to try to write every two days or so, so I can get back into writing long chapters._

**Previous Chapter:**

"_Ok Bella, I just wanted to tell you that you don't have to go through this alone," and with that she all but floated out of the room. I was frozen to the same spot on the couch. I started to panic because I was sure now Edward knew my secret. I didn't even realized that he had picked me up, sat me on his lap, and started brushing away my tears until he spoke. "Bella please talk to me like you talked to Rosalie," he all but begged me. I looked up into his topaz eyes that seemed to cry out to me. I couldn't take my angel being sad so I cried again and hugged him close. "Please Edward don't let me go I-I need you."_

"_I won't Bella, never. I'll always be hear until the day my heart starts beating again," he told me as he hugged me closer._

These words just spoke directly to my heart. I couldn't help the flood of tears that flowed out of my eyes, even if I wanted to. Edward didn't say anything but held me closer. "Bella, tell me love, tell me what happened that can ever cause all this pain." he asked me in a soothing voice. Keeping my head down, I started to spill my biggest problem. "J-Jacob," I whispered and with that one little word, the floodgate opened back up again. I was almost to hysterics because of the pain that word bought me.

At the word Jacob, Edward froze. I dared myself to look into his eyes; that look like molten lava. "What did Jacob do?" Edward asked me in a hard voice, no doubt directed towards Jacob. I have to be strong so Edward won't be upset anymore I kept thinking to my self. "Edward a-are you sure you won't get mad at me," I asked him in a whisper. "Yes Bella. Nothing you can do can make me mad at you." With that confirmation I started to tell him everything.

"While you went hunting one day, I decided to see Jacob. I know you told me not to see him any more but I wanted to make sure he wasn't still mad at me, I mean after all he was my best friend when you-uh left. I left quickly so Alice wouldn't see me 'cause I really wanted to make sure everything was ok with him. I pushed my truck to its limit until I got down to la push. I saw Billy outside and asked where Jacob was and he told me in the house." I paused for a minute knowing that this was the hard part. I looked back into Edward's face and I only saw compassion there, so I continued my story with my head down; I didn't feel quite so bad when I was looking down at my hands that were playing with my shirt.

"I went inside and saw Jacob sitting on the couch watching the T.V. He didn't notice me until I said hey. He looked up at me with an expression that bought the expression if looks can kill. I sat down next to him and tried talking to him. He said he'd forgive me if I did one thing for him and of course I said anything. T-then he started kissing me and trying to unbutton my pants. I-I tried to push him off b-b-but he was to strong." I was in hysterics by the end of the story. Even though I knew Edward knew what was coming next I just could say any more.

"Shh, Bella its ok, I understand, I really, really do. He will pay for what he did to you!" he told me in that same voice that told me he was really angry. I looked up at him with tears on my face and confusion in my eyes. "W-why are you angry with him? I did it…I-I went there and I basically asked," "NO BELLA!! Love you didn't asked to be raped." And there it was, the word that sent everything dark.

**Cliffee…ooo!!! Ok I finally got a new chapter up and I'm so happy. More to come soon I promised and I found a beta yeh!! Please R&R and tell me what you think!!!  
**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do own twilight!!!!**

_A/n: Ok first I want to start off saying that I am so so so very sorry it's taking me like forever to update. Still getting in the hang of writing longer chapters so please bear with me._

_**Previous chapter:**_

"Shh, Bella its ok, I understand, I really, really do. He will pay for what he did to you!" he told me in that same voice that told me he was really angry. I looked up at him with tears on my face and confusion in my eyes. "W-why are you angry with him? I did it…I-I went there and I basically asked," "NO BELLA!! Love you didn't asked to be raped." And there it was, the word that sent everything dark.

"Alice! How long is it going to take before she wakes back up again." I started coming back into consciousness, hearing Edward's voice so distressed. "She will wake up in a couple of seconds Edward just calm down. She had a pretty long day." That was Alice trying to reassure him, but I knew it wasn't working very well because of the heavy sigh that came out of his mouth.

3,2,1…I started opening my eyes to face the reality ahead of me. "See I told you there was really nothing to be worried about Edward," Alice said an almost mocking tone. "You wouldn't see me betting against Alice," I whispered softly as I struggled to get into a sitting position. Of course Edward was right there helping me up.

"Bella I'm so glad you finally woke up. Edward was getting kind of worried," even as she said this I could see the worry in her eyes; even though she could see the future. "I-I think I'm ok Alice its no need for Edward to worry," I kind of stressed Edward a little more than necessary because I knew she was worried too. Alice, of course being Alice caught right on, smiled and left the room; giving me the context clues I need to say that Edward and I needed to talk.

She closed the door very softly behind her and even though she was gone for a few seconds I continued to stare at the door. I was not really ready to look at Edward just yet. I tried to stall and it worked, for maybe about two minutes. "Bella, will you PLEASE tell me what you are thinking?" he asked in the softest voice possible. I guess he was trying not to scare me seeing as though the last time we talked I fainted.

"Well actually I was just thinking if we-uh could talk about other things for a while." I really didn't have anything to talk about but I was still stalling. "Bella I think we should talk about what happened, you no when you went to La Push." "I really don't want to talk about it now, HEY WAIT!" I exclaimed as I climbed off the bed, "I'm hungry lets go down stairs so I can get something to eat," I said as I all but ran out of the room; giving him no choice but to follow me.

_ok its been a while since I wrote so don't critique me so harshly lol. I will update soon, being this far from my story made me pretty sad and pushed me to write another chapter. Hope you enjoyed please R and R!!!_


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: "Hey friend guess what?" "What?" "I don't own Twilight!!!"**

_Oh wow it seem like I haven't written part of my story in so long. Well I will be updating very often because it is now finally summer time!!! Ok hope you enjoy this new chap!!_

_**Previous chapter:**_

_"Well actually I was just thinking if we-uh could talk about other things for a while." I really didn't have anything to talk about but I was still stalling. "Bella I think we should talk about what happened, you no when you went to La Push." "I really don't want to talk about it now, HEY WAIT!" I exclaimed as I climbed off the bed, "I'm hungry lets go down stairs so I can get something to eat," I said as I all but ran out of the room; giving him no choice but to follow me._

As soon as I was out Edward's room and walking down the stairs, I started doing that nervous thing; biting my lip. I was so glad Edward couldn't see my face and see how troubled I was. I finally made it to the bottom of the stairs without falling, mostly because I was walking really, really slowly. I really didn't want to be touched at that particular moment in time. I finally made it to the kitchen, not bothering to look behind me knowing Edward was already there. I made a process of looking through the refrigerator looking from shelf to shelf, not really hungry but wanting to buy all the time I could get.

**EPOV**

I don't know what to do about Bella. She needs to really talk about it but I know she wants to avoid it at all cost. I followed her downstairs to the kitchen knowing that she knew I was right behind her. She was looking through the shelves in the refrigerator trying to find something to eat. I don't think she is hungry but I don't disagree with her I want her to open up to me not shut me out. After she looked over the shelves for the 5th time I volunteered to cook something. "So what do you want to eat Bella?" I asked her. She seemed so undecided that I suggested a grilled cheese sandwich and she agreed.

While I prepared the food, Bella went to go sit at the counter preoccupied while tracing the tile. I left her alone and busied myself with cooking. When I was done I set the plate on the table in front of her. "Thank you," she murmured. "Ok Bella you eat and then meet me in my room, when your done ok love?" It was a rhetorical question and I leaned over and gave her a kiss on her forehead.

As I left the kitchen, Alice appeared before me. She most likely saw me looking for her in a vision. "I already know what you are going to say Edward, and your wait is over," she told me with a grim face and left. I hope so Alice.

**BPOV**

Sigh he must have known I wasn't really hungry but I might as well eat it any way since he made it for me. I took slow bites and made sure I chewed every piece of my food, stalling for more time. When I was done with that and drank a glass of juice and took a deep breath. I started making my way up the stairs still very slowly and walked down the hall to Edward's room. I lifted my hand trying to decide if I should knock or not, feeling kind of silly. I decided against the knocking and opened the door anyway. I found Edward gazing out the window. Somehow, looking out the window, I realized how much time I lost again. "Edward I am ready to talk…really talk this time," I said as I went to go sit on the couch.

_Wow I did it!! I think I am looking for a new beta I haven't been in contact with mine lately. So any betas out there I would really appreciate your help. I am getting longer and longer in my chapters as promised so please R&R please!!!_


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: Twilight is the best thing ever but I do not own it and never will!!!**

_Ok so I know I haven't been here in a while and I am very sorry for that. I was thinking about how I haven't been writing and now I am doing it again so enjoy this chap!!!!_

**Previous chapter:**

_**BPOV**_

_Sigh he must have known I wasn't really hungry but I might as well eat it any way since he made it for me. I took slow bites and made sure I chewed every piece of my food, stalling for more time. When I was done with that and drank a glass of juice and took a deep breath. I started making my way up the stairs still very slowly and walked down the hall to Edward's room. I lifted my hand trying to decide if I should knock or not, feeling kind of silly. I decided against the knocking and opened the door anyway. I found Edward gazing out the window. Somehow, looking out the window, I realized how much time I lost again. "Edward I am ready to talk…really talk this time," I said as I went to go sit on the couch._

I sat on the couch and waited for Edward to finally come over and sit next to me. When he finally sat down, I took a deep breath and started. "Ok, so you already know I went to La Push without permission. I saw Billy outside and asked where Jake was and he told me he was inside. I went inside and went into the living room. He was sitting on the couch watching TV. I said hi to him and since he didn't say anything I sat next to him and started watching TV too because I didn't think he would mind. I asked him to forgive me because I knew he was mad at me. He said he would forgive me if I did one thing for him and of course I said anything. He then started kissing me and I pulled away. He told me if I didn't like it I could get out. I started crying because I felt like he was being unfair. His whole body started trembling and be f-for I knew it h-he h-hit me. 'I can't believe you would hit me Jake, I thought you and I were best friends,' I told him and he said, 'since it seems like the bloodsucker can hurt you why can't I?' Then he-he pushed me into the couch…. I tired to get up I really did….he was just too strong…he started to rip off all my clothes….I told him to stop but he-he just wouldn't. He ripped off his pants and then…..and stuck it in…." I was sobbing so much at the end of the story and I couldn't even continue.

"Shhh Bella, it's going to be ok I promise you that," Edward was telling me as he started hugging me. "I am so sorry for being selfish and making you tell me this. Can you ever for give me Bella? We will stop now; I don't want you hurting any more." Before he was even finished his speech I was shaking my head. "Edward, you have to hear the whole story," I told him sniffling. Edward didn't say anything with his lips, he said it all with the tighter hug he gave me.

"I never had anything hurt so badly, well except the vampire bite. Every time he went in and out….I felt like he was tearing me apart…..it lasted forever." I took another deep breath and continued. "When he was finally done, he gave me a kiss on the lips and told me he hoped to get me pregnant because that would really hurt you. I left as soon as he was far enough away from me….I didn't want him jumping on me again. I ran out the house and drove my truck as far as it would go all the way back to Charlie's house." By the end of the story, I wasn't crying anymore; I think it's actually possible to run out of tears because I think I just did.

Edward was quiet for a moment or two I was so scared to hear what he had to say. "So Jacob tried to get you pregnant on purpose?" I heard the anger in his voice and couldn't bear to look up at his face. "That's what he told me, he might have he didn't use any protection."

Before I knew it he was running into Charlise's office. "Charlise can you give Bella a pregnancy test because she might be pregnant." He sounded so angry. Angry with me, I would deserve it I thought.

"Ok Bella will you please lie down on the table and we can start."

_Ok so once again I am looking for a beta because I lost contact with my other one. I will be writing more soon since my computer is more up and running. Please r&r and tell me what you think but be easy its almost been a year. _


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I did not write Twilight.**

Okay so I am back. It took me a longer time than usual, and I did not mean for that to happen. I've been reading my reviews and I am so happy about them. I decided to answer some questions in this speech because I have been away for so long. When I wrote in the previous chapter Charlise, I misspelled Carlisle's name. Also the reason why Billy did not hear the rape is because he had left to go fishing. I will try to update more often so work with me.

**Previous Chapter**:

**BPOV**

_Before I knew it he was running into Charlise's office. "Charlise can you give Bella a pregnancy test because she might be pregnant." He sounded so angry. Angry with me, I would deserve it I thought."Ok Bella will you please lie down on the table and we can start."_

As I was lying down on the table, all I could think about is how much I had made Edward mad at me. He was sitting in a chair next to mine holding my hand while Carlisle was giving me a blood test. I didn't know what to look at because normally I would look at Edward but I was too cowardly. I stared at the ceiling wondering what would happen to my life now. "All done with the blood work Bella," Carlisle said to me, "now I just have to give you a vaginal exam." I turned towards Carlisle "D-do you have to?" I asked meekly. "Yes Bella it must be done." Carlisle tried to sound reassuring but I was so anxious about what I was about to say next. "I don't want Edward in here when you do it."

**EPOV**

_What did she just say?_ I thought. Maybe I heard her incorrectly, but I knew I didn't when I looked up into Carlisle's face. _She needs time Edward, she just needs time. _Carlisle just didn't understand I had to be here for Bella like I wasn't when the rape happened. I was going to protest that she was not in her right mind, but then I looked down at her and saw she wasn't even looking at me. I think that hurt me the most was that my own heart was so close but so far away. I could tell Bella was anxious, her whole body tensed up like it was ready to snap at any minute."Sure." And with that simple word I left. I knew I had hurt Bella but I couldn't bring myself to say anything thing else.

I wondered into my room slowly and started to shift through my CDs. I wanted to listen to something that described my mood perfectly to the tee; bleak. "What do you want Alice?" I already heard her come in. _Well I guess I am going to have to wait on that music _I thought "Edward I think we should talk." I didn't bother arguing with her because I already knew what she had to say. I turned around slowly to face her, "Okay Alice talk then." _I've never seen so much pain on his face_ _it's like a piece of him died, when that piece of Bella died. _"Alice please get to the point." I didn't want to hear how terrible I looked because I was living it. "Edward what are we going to do about this. I want Jacob to suffer so much for this but I would not break the treaty; it's not what Bella would want anyway. I think we should call Billy and Sam and let them know what has happened. Then they can see what punishment Jacob will receive. This will make Bella feel safe and this will not break the treaty." Actually it sounded like a great idea. "Alice that is a really good idea, we just have to get Bella on board." _I would do anything to see that mutt pay_ I thought. Alice then gave me a frustrated look, I knew she could not see anything that had to do with the wolves and that always made her cranky. "We will talk later Bella is here." As soon as she said this Bella walked in the door, wearing an dazed look like she couldn't believe what she just heard.

_Hmmm what did Bella hear? I think it's a nice clifee. So I think this is my longest chapter to date but don't quote me on that. Please R&R and tell me what you think. I will update soon._


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